fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
