So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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