Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I did not marry a roomba.
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