if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
