Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
