haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
handjob tips. give me some.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
