what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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