Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
