It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
