You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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