I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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