Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
