everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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