so that wasnt chicken after all
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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