it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
