OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
