??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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