I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Found your dick twin last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
