I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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