he thought i was a dude.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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