i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
