I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
