Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
