Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
