I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
