i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
