And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
not ubering you a puppy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
