shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
