She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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