Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
