You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
