I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
