she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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