Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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