She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
