ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
