So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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