I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
