Will you blow on my dice?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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