Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
