You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
