What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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