You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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