sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
