hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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