the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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