You're so nebulous sometimes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
