Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
