My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
