the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
