Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
