It's like God shit irony all over that family
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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