wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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