I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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