i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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