woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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