So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
