Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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