I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
