I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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