I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
