I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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