Redeem this text for a blowjob
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
