just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
