There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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