my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
